Gregory Rasputin Applies To Work At Wendy's

The circles in which I circulate are notorious for wanton abuse of Wendy's job applications (scroll down to see "Job Application at Wendy's", although the entire tale is very amusing) so, when on the drive home from Toronto we stopped at a Wendy's/Tim Hortons rest stop, I could not resist picking one up. This amused Rustem, Cuchulain, Olwen, Jsmill, and Lady Mollweide, who were in the van with me, on much of the drive.

HMSHost Application for Employment

Last name: Rasputin
First: Gregory
Middle Initial: X (Rustem supplies the Pratchett quote, "Which stands for 'someone who has a cool and interesting middle initial' ")
Current Address:
Street: Pi Dzhugashvili Drive
City: Tbilisi
Province: Georgia (the next post will explain why this was a running joke).
Postal Code: 5T4 L1N
Home telephone: Rotary
Other telephone: Whitehall 1212

Position(s) applied for: Advisor to the CEO
Date available to start work: Tuesday
Desired salary: Sex with Queen of Russia
Are you legally entitled to work in Canada? No
Are you eligible to serve alcoholic beverages in this province? No
Have you ever been employed by HMSHost or any of its subsidiaries? No
Have you ever applied for a position with HMSHost? Yes
If yes, please specify location(s) and date(s): Commander-in-Chief of Russian Army

How did you hear about this job? Smoke signals and history class

Availability to work (Please state earliest and latest hour you are available to work):

	Saturday	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
From	2300	Jesus Day No work!	No! Monday root of all evil!!!	2301	2301	2200	1100
To	2301			2302	2319	2200:50	When I feel tired.

Type of employment desired: Other. Specify: Indentured servitude

Type of School	Name of School	Dates Attended	Graduated?	Type of Degree, Diploma or Certificate	Major/Minor Field of Study
High School	Not Attended		Yes	The Hermitage	theology / hypnosis
College or  University	Miskatonic University	1233-1936	Yes	Basketweaving	demonology / political science
Other Education	Communion with Satan	June 11, 1666		Knowledge Man was not meant to know

Foreign languages: Russian; Diabolic. Infernal dialect, Abyssal subdialect

Have you ever been convicted of a crime other than moving violations? Yes (I have no clue what moving violations are)

Employment experience:

Company Name and Location	Dates Employed	Base Rate of Pay	Position Title and Description of Duties	Reason for Leaving
Prada Supervisor: The Devil Telephone: Touch-tone	1166-1997	Starting: 20 pounds/wk Final: $10000/hr	Rotary	Lack of advancement opportunity May we contact this employer: No!!!!!!
Tsarist Government Supervisor: Nicholas II Telephone: Not invented	1881-1917	Starting: All I could steal Final: All I could loot	Personal physician to Crown Prince	Death May we contact this employer? No, he's dead.
NKVD Supervisor: Felix Dzerzhinsky Telephone: Red hotline Kremlin-White House	1917-1989	Starting: Personal satisfaction Final: Personal safety	Shooting Tsar's royal house and all his little serfs too! (Olwen)	Collapse of the Soviet Union May we contact this employer? No, he's dead.
Self-Employed Telephone: 863-5475	1989-1997	Starting: Gloating Final: Conquest of planet	Plotting revenge	Conquest of world May we contact this employer? Yes
Springfield Nuclear Reactor Supervisor: Homer Simpson Telephone: pillow of Shredded Wheat	1997-present	Starting: 5 cents/hr Final: dodo egg	Pressing the button	Launched through the roof May we contact this employer? No, it's not there any more.